Pizza Guy's Wild Tip: A Sticky Situation

Brazzers

Van Wylde, Maddy May Pic(s)

The evening had been a typical grind of greasy cardboard boxes and lukewarm sodas until my last delivery to a surprisingly upscale apartment. The door was opened by a man named Van Wylde, whose sharp, confident grin seemed to hold a universe of trouble, and he wasn’t alone. Beside him, a woman named Maddy May moved with a languid, hypnotic grace, her presence filling the foyer with a palpable, electric tension. Van Wylde’s eyes never left mine as he took the pizzas, his voice a low purr as he asked if I was open to a more “creative” form of gratuity. Before I could even form a response, Maddy May glided forward, a mischievous smile playing on her lips as she produced a large, clear roll of industrial-strength packing tape. The air crackled as Van Wylde explained their unique artistic vision, one that involved me, a sturdy dining chair, and becoming a living, breathing sculpture. My protest was a weak, strangled sound, completely ignored as Maddy May began her work, the loud screech of the tape dispenser echoing in the spacious room. She moved with an unsettling efficiency, wrapping the sticky bands around my wrists and ankles with the precision of a master craftsperson, binding me securely to the wooden frame. Van Wylde circled us, offering quiet words of encouragement to her and unnerving compliments to his captive audience—me. Now I’m just sitting here, a human piece of modern art, wondering how I’ll ever explain this to my dispatcher as the two of them share a slice of pepperoni, utterly delighted with their handiwork.