Brazzers
Scott Nails, Abby Rose Pic(s)
The final, frantic hour of the year had descended upon our apartment, a scene of glittering chaos aptly dubbed “Paws & Prosecco.” My partner, the ever-dapper Scott Nails, was attempting to anchor a precarious “Happy New Year” banner above the fireplace, his focus a fragile thing. Meanwhile, the true mistress of this domain, our sleek tortoiseshell cat Abby Rose, observed his efforts from the arm of the velvet sofa with imperial disdain. Just as Scott managed a triumphant smile, the pop of the first prosecco cork echoed through the room like a starting pistol. Abby Rose, a blur of offended fur, launched herself from her perch in a terrified arc directly towards the festive spread on the coffee table. Her trajectory was a masterpiece of destruction, sending shrimp canapés flying and a full glass of bubbly cascading over the platter of expensive cheeses. Scott’s celebratory shout morphed into a gasp of horror as the liquid splashed across his crisp, white shirt, leaving a spectacular pink stain. Abby, now cowering under the dining table, regarded her dripping whiskers with an air of profound, unapologetic victimhood. The banner, neglected in the commotion, chose that precise moment to detach one end and slump into a sad, glittery “V.” We stood there, surrounded by the ruins of our elegant evening, the only sound the distant, cheerful countdown from our neighbors’ television, and I knew this cat-astrophe would be our most memorable New Year’s story for decades to come.
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