My Roomie's Hot Mess of a Boyfriend

Brazzers

Sarah Arabic, Hollywood Cash, Jasmine Sherni Pic(s)

My roommate Sarah Arabic, a woman of impeccable taste and order, has unfortunately fallen for a walking catastrophe named Hollywood Cash. He is a human hurricane of misplaced ambition and empty promises, leaving a trail of pizza boxes and existential dread in our once-pristine apartment. I’ll never forget the night he tried to “invest” Sarah’s rent money in a cryptocurrency scheme involving digital pet rocks. His entire personality seems curated from bad movie one-liners, and his laugh is a grating, performative bray that echoes through our thin walls. Jasmine Sherni, our other roommate and my confidante in this domestic nightmare, just rolls her eyes whenever he holds court on our sofa. We often exchange silent, knowing glances as he pontificates about his “big break,” which is always perpetually just around the corner. The most baffling part is that Sarah, a brilliant and discerning graphic designer, seems utterly blind to his profound inadequacy. She just smiles indulgently at his nonsense, mistaking his chaos for charming spontaneity. Jasmine and I are now conducting a silent, covert operation to gently expose his freeloading ways. Our shared living room has become a battlefield, and we are determined to reclaim our peace from this hot mess of a boyfriend.