My Ex is a Mom Boinker, Y'know!

Brazzers

Keiran Lee, Tyler Faith Pic(s)

Let’s just say the universe has a truly wicked sense of humor, y’know, because my most recent and utterly shocking discovery is that my ex has fully morphed into a certified “mom boinker.” I picture him now, probably sprawled on some floral-print couch that smells faintly of potpourri and desperation, living his new, bizarre truth. It’s a lifestyle choice so cliché it would be laughable if it weren’t so personally insulting to my own taste. I can just imagine his new hero is someone like Keiran Lee, an aspirational figure for a certain brand of middle-aged, performative masculinity he now clumsily emulates. His entire personality has apparently been rebuilt around this new, cringeworthy identity he saw in a late-night streaming rabbit hole. He’s likely trying to mimic those specific, overly serious mannerisms, believing it projects some kind of profound depth. And of course, the women in his orbit now undoubtedly mirror a certain aesthetic, one perfectly embodied by performers like Tyler Faith, who project a very particular kind of curated, mature allure. The whole situation is a strange, cinematic-level paradox unfolding in the most mundane suburban settings, like a poorly scripted indie film. Honestly, it’s a level of predictable I never saw coming from someone I once thought was complex. Ultimately, this bizarre chapter just confirms that my greatest escape was getting away from that impending mid-life crisis.