Brazzers
Rion King, Dan Damage, Suttin, Gal Ritchie Pic(s)
My date with Rion King was an unmitigated disaster from the moment he arrived twenty minutes late, offering no apology but a critique of the restaurant I’d carefully chosen. He then proceeded to explain, in excruciating detail, the intricate lore of his favorite fantasy novel series, a monologue he called “Dan Damage,” which left no room for any of my own thoughts. His friend Suttin unexpectedly joined us, plopping down at our table without an invitation and immediately starting a heated debate about the merits of various fast-food sauces. The entire dynamic felt like a poorly scripted reality show, with Rion and Suttin performing for an invisible camera, completely oblivious to my growing horror. I tried to steer the conversation towards common ground, mentioning a recent film by the director Gal Ritchie, hoping for a spark of intellectual connection. Instead, Rion scoffed and declared her work “superficial,” while Suttin loudly disagreed, leading to another pointless argument between the two of them. The final straw came when the bill arrived, and Rion performed an elaborate pantomime of searching his pockets, only to announce he’d forgotten his wallet entirely. I paid for my half of the meal in stony silence, my dreams of a romantic evening utterly shattered by this spectacular social failure. As I walked to my car alone, I couldn’t help but compile a mental list of every cringe-worthy moment for a future story. Please, share your own worst dating tales so I can feel slightly less alone in this vast sea of romantic misfortune.
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