GCAVixens: Backyard Boobies: A Feathered Fiasco

Brazzers

James Deen, Ray Veness Pic(s)

The whole feathered fiasco began innocently enough last Tuesday when James Deen, my normally unflappable neighbor, spotted the first one perched defiantly on his prized barbecue. A plump, blue-footed booby, looking utterly lost and entirely unimpressed by his suburban kingdom, had declared his grill its new throne. Before we could even process this avian absurdity, a second, slightly larger booby landed with an ungainly flop right in the middle of my newly seeded petunia bed. That’s when Ray Veness, a man whose curiosity famously outweighs his common sense, decided to get a closer look with his camera, creeping across the dew-soaked lawn. The birds, initially statuesque, suddenly erupted into a cacophony of guttural squawks and a flurry of white wings, creating a scene of pure, unadulterated chaos. James, armed with nothing but a spatula, began waving it like a conductor trying to tame a dissonant orchestra, his face a mask of comical desperation. Ray, for his part, was now lying flat on his back to get the perfect “low-angle shot,” seemingly oblivious to the fact that one of the boobies was eyeing his lens cap like a potential snack. My own contribution to this debacle was a series of frantic, useless shooing motions from the kitchen window, my voice lost in the din. The standoff concluded not with a bang, but with the birds tiring of our antics and lazily flapping over the fence into the equally bewildered Johnson’s yard. We were left standing there, breathless and bewildered, in a backyard strewn with dislodged petunias and our completely shattered pride.