Roommate's Revenge: A Makeover Mess

Brazzers

Scott Nails, Sarah Taylor Pic(s)

The entire apartment reeked of hubris and fresh paint, a monument to my own foolish promise to give Scott Nails’s painfully beige bedroom a “sophisticated” makeover while he was away. I had envisioned a serene, coastal-inspired sanctuary, a direct upgrade from his current dorm-room-chic aesthetic, but my execution was proving disastrously different from the inspiration photos. My partner-in-crime, Sarah Taylor, stood frozen in the center of the room, her wide eyes reflecting the horrifyingly vibrant shade of aqua I had somehow managed to coat three entire walls with. “It’s… very bold,” she finally whispered, the words hanging in the thick air like an indictment of my terrible taste. A rogue drip of paint had already cemented a lock of my hair to my forehead, a permanent mark of my shame. We had attempted a complex geometric accent wall, which now looked less like modern art and more like a toddler’s frantic crayon drawing magnified to a terrifying scale. The new, supposedly “driftwood-gray” laminate flooring was clashing horribly with the aggressive blue, creating a nauseating visual cacophony that seemed to pulse. Our only hope was the large, unopened can of primer sitting by the door, a silent judge of our premature enthusiasm. Scott’s key would soon be scratching in the lock, heralding the moment of our utter and complete exposure. This wasn’t a makeover; it was a crime scene, and we were the clumsy perpetrators about to face the vengeance of a very neat and very particular roommate.