Mom's New Boyfriend is a Handful

Brazzers

Keiran Lee, Darla Crane Pic(s)

Mom had been single for so long that we’d gotten used to the quiet rhythm of our lives, a predictable cadence completely shattered the day she introduced us to Chad. He was a whirlwind of loud laughter and brash confidence, a man named Chad who seemed to suck all the oxygen out of the room the moment he swaggered through the door. My sister and I exchanged a look of pure, unadulterated horror as he winked at us, a gesture he probably thought was charming. He was all slicked-back hair and tight shirts, constantly flexing his muscles like a modern-day cartoon character who had just discovered his own biceps. Mom, usually so reserved, seemed utterly captivated by his over-the-top stories of dubious business ventures and his gym exploits. It was as if a force of nature like Keiran Lee had been teleported from one of those adult films into our suburban living room, all swagger and smoldering looks. My poor mother, sweet Darla Crane, looked on with a dazed, infatuated smile, completely blind to our silent pleading from the couch. He’d help himself to the last beer in the fridge and put his feet up on the coffee table, acting as if he owned the place after a mere two weeks. Every family dinner became a cringe-inducing monologue about his latest self-proclaimed genius idea, and we were his captive, miserable audience. We knew, with a sinking certainty, that this handful of a man was going to be a very long-term, and very exhausting, project for our family.